Anger

I’ve been angry lately.

Anger is not the most conducive thing when it comes to parenting.

I’ve been angry.

But not because of my kids.

So it’s hard. It’s hard to take that anger and deal with it. Use it constructively. Refuse to just shut down. Refuse to, as my forefathers did, find themselves at the bottom of a bottle.

Trust me. That’s a genetic trait that’s hard to fight. I fight it through anger.

So angry.

I’m angry at the state of this world. I’m angry that the priorities we see people having every day are the wrong ones. I’m angry that people are so self involved. I’m angry that things that are obvious, world-ending problems are being ignored. I’m angry that most politicians are in it for themselves or whoever pays them the most money.

I’m angry.

I’m angry on a personal level. Angry about things beyond my control. Angry at things that shouldn’t be as they are. Angry that ignorance really does seem to be bliss.

I’m angry that those that deserve pain rarely seem to get it and those that do not, get it all the time.

Fucking angry.

So I try to deal with my anger. I try to talk through it. I try to concentrate on the good and the bad before the next thing comes along that makes me angry.

It’s a struggle. It’s a struggle to maintain a level of parenting that I want to maintain while I’m seething inside. It’s a struggle to realize that I have to funnel my anger. I have to put that energy into positive things. I have to take that energy and put it into making my children all that they can be.

Because they’re the only ones that have a chance to make this whole place better.

We had conversations before bringing our kids into the world. Should we bring them into a world with so much wrong with it. With so many things that they’ll have to deal with in their lives. Things that aren’t fair. Things that they didn’t cause. Systems that are so corrupt. People that believe a fact is whatever one believes it to be.

We decided to bring our kids into that world.

I’m an optimistic guy usually… but there comes a point. There comes a point when you look at it all and say, “REALLY????”

I try to convert my anger. Transform it. Use my words. Through words, through speech, through not burying things inside… We can beat anger.

There’s an interesting thing about anger. You can funnel that anger. You can fight to make yourself, your reality, your world… better through anger.

So while I often smile on the outside… while I keep my anger disguised with sarcasm. It’s there. I’m angry. We need to be better.

Cause how we are right now, just isn’t good enough.

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